Unconditional love can break the power of the thorniest issues in life.
Joanne, an attractive 18 year old carried emotional scars that kept others at a distance and caused her to be a loner. Severe depression caused her to walk in a downcast manner with her long hair or a cap shielding her eyes. Jo, as she was known, had little contact with her family and lived in a church group house for homeless youth.
My wife, Denese and I took a liking to her so we began to look for ways to make her feel wanted and accepted. We noticed that her room had minimal cupboard space so we decided that this would a good place to start. So, from my abundant store of junk I found an empty old style TV cabinet. With a couple of shelves and a drawer installed it was just right.
Our concerns for her escalated on learning that Jo was getting drugs from a hotel nearby. “Why don’t we ask her to come and live with us”, Denese suggested.
“Sounds great”, I said, “She will be like a big sister to our three kids”. Jo jumped at the idea so we painted our spare room blue, her favourite colour, packed her few belongings which included a pile of Neil Diamond cassettes, ‘ T’ shirts, jeans and gym boots and brought her home.
A friend said to her with a chuckle, “One day you’ll marry a nice guy but I reckon you’ll be wearing jeans and gym boots under your wedding gown”.
Jo’s access to the dealer was now hindered but not cut off – and we couldn’t imprison her. However, Denese intuitively knew when Jo had scored and she would moan, “Dead set, how did you know? Far out,”.
We had some ground rules and she soon learned that no meant no. Jo had to be up by 7am which didn’t go down too well. After breakfast, help out around the house, then go job hunting with a book to be signed by each prospective employer but most importantly to keep well away from the dealer.
When we discussed quitting drugs or finding employment, Jo would lament, “I can’t”. Her answer to suggestions was always the same, “I can’t, I can’t”. We knew we had to find a way to change her apathetic and destructive mindset – but what? Her self worth had long been crushed – she saw herself as valueless. Consequently she was unable to love herself. From the beginning we employed the most powerful force there is – unconditional love. This meant loving and accepting her, no matter what. Not always easy but slowly her attitudes did begin to change.
One day I had a “light bulb” moment. A line from the Bible came to mind, “I can handle all things in life through Christ who strengthens me”*. Again from my store of junk I retrieved an empty “Sunshine” milk can and painted the words “I CAN” from the verse on it. “Put this can on your dressing table”, I told Jo, “and every time you look at it say to yourself, “I CAN and not I CAN’T”. She called it, “My I CAN”.
Jo went “cold turkey” in our home and eventually won the victory over her addiction. One day she came home with great news – she had found a job at a clothing factory. Her early starts at 7am proved to be good preparation – now she had to get up at six!
As Jo’s self worth increased she began to share more of her story. Her father had abandoned her mother when she became pregnant. Consequently she never knew her father and never felt the warmth and security of a father’s loving embrace – never heard him say, “I love you”. To make matters worse, she suffered sexual abuse as a younger girl. Having never been regarded as a person of worth it is little wonder that she had no self esteem, no inherent foundation or reason to value herself. She was treading the lonely one way track to self destruction.
In time Jo did meet a young man, married and in spite of the issues she had faced she became a fine mother to her two children. Now she is a grandmother and lovingly serves as a foster carer. Recently she shared that during the two years in our home she experienced safety and security and wonders where she might have been today without it. At different times over the years our home became a haven for eight other young people. We have found that any positive input into a child or young adult’s life will influence them for the rest of their lives.
Maurice Grace.
You too are an overcomer, an achiever. When you look at your wristband or sticker say "yesICAN" and refuse to say I CAN’T.
“I CAN” was birthed in 1980. Today it is called “yesiCAN” – Inspiring hope.